Following the yellow brick road

I’ve taken a hiatus from psychotherapy and I'm back at it now.

My therapist went on maternity leave and I went on a mind-less vacation. I’ve completely lost myself and let my anxiety free. It has taken control over me, and nights are the absolute worst because I’m broken down and worn out from the day. Some nights, I become so anxious over this whole pregnancy thing that I fall to my knees and sorta-kinda-spin out. Ya feel me?

It’s nerve wracking to think that I am so anxious now while I’m on medications.

The weaning process makes me anxious.

So what the hell happens when I am weaning off my medications? If I do it, I may be anxious and nutty, and if I don’t do it, I’m anxious anticipating weaning off of my medications.

I woke up the other morning just feeling refreshed and realizing that I need to follow the yellow brick road. See what comes my way. Let it go. And most importantly, work hard during my therapy sessions!!! I had one therapy session already and practicing meditation was one of my assignments. I can only imagine what my future homework will look like. The important part is that I figure out how to develop a relationship with my anxieties and calm it down.

I say anxieties. Yes. Are you in this with me if you’re trying to get pregnant too? And with bipolar disorder? You know… how will I react to the medication changes? Will I need more medications? Will the medications mess up my future baby? WILL I EVEN GET PREGNANT?! So many anxieties that I just need to learn to calm down.

Remember? Walking down the yellow brick road… to let it go and be enlightened, especially with this situation.

I’ll get there eventually. Believe in yourself too :) it’s just a matter of taking one step forward, even if you go two steps back. You won’t move forward at all if you just stay still. I’m in this with you!

xoxo,

Joanne