The first 10 days with a newborn

I had this idea after birth that I’d share my whole birth story immediately. Maybe I will one day, but the focus of today’s blog post is to share my first 10 days with a newborn and the hard damn truth. That’s right, it’s the postpartum shit show no one can prepare you for. There’s no “postpartum made for dummies” handbook or Coles Notes of the novel you’re about to write.

I hate to have to say this, but before proceeding to read, please know that I am not complaining, comparing, soliciting advice or saying that any of this is a version of a nightmare. I’m simply shedding light on what every woman and their partner should know about what could possibly happen with a newborn postpartum.

With that out of the way… my point is that we all have a plan, and plans are meant to help you prepare for success but are often not linear and THAT IS OK.

My psychiatrist, partner, and I had planned that the two of us would take “shifts” so that we could each get some 3-6 hours stretches of sleep. I knew the first few days would be tricky so I was trying my best to be realistic and not stick to the plan. Also, this plan is specifically geared towards me and my bipolar disorder, so that I could get some rest and be ahead of the postpartum psychosis game that could ensue when living with bipolar disorder. One of the top contributors to psychosis and all things challenging with bipolar disorder has to do with sleep cycles and ensuring a circadian rhythm is kept well oiled.

I can tell you that 10 days later now, there still is zero plan for us to take shifts because I am so fucking overwhelmed and it’s near impossible.

The rational thought is, “It doesn’t make sense why two people would stay up at the same time?” has now become straight up zombie apocalypse survival mode.

After working with a number of newborns in the NICU as a nurse and in a pediatric hospital as well, I have to toot my own horn and say we have a pretty damn well behaved baby. When she cries, we know it could only be a couple things she’s needing from us which is 1.) eating 2.) diaper change 3.) cuddles. And no, you cannot over-cuddle your newborn. As my mother and mother-in-law very astutely put it, “you’re going to spoil the baby” or “the baby won’t grow if you keep holding it”.

It also just popped out of my vagina after taking residency in a small enclosed space in my belly for 9 months sooo it’s a bit unsurprising why she wants to be cuddled.

This is not to say we haven’t put her down in her crib to sleep. She does. She just doesn’t sleep for long stretches of time because the house is cold since management at our condo decided to turn the heat off early (expecting for a warmer spring???). No matter how many swaddles we put on her, she’s never going to be as warm as when she’s cuddled with either myself or my partner.

Currently I am wearing my baby as we speak all thanks to my Beluga Baby wrap because we are all desperate for sleep in this house and right now, it’s my partner’s turn to sleep. This is the only way she’ll be quiet for long enough while I can still be doing things like eating, tidying up, etc.

Let me spill the tea on the last 10 days with a newborn now…

10 days later, our version of shifts has now become sleep-for-an-hour-if-you-can-get-an-hour-to-sleep. Between 1AM-4AM, there is usually an opportunity for my partner to stay up with our baby doing skin-to-skin so that I could sleep for 3 consecutive hours (which is usually the maximum), then I proceed to stay up so my partner can have his turn to sleep a few consecutive hours until our baby is awake again. If she’s in her crib, she will likely only sleep for 2 to 2.5 hours. Trust me, that additional 30 minutes is crucial and worth just holding her so the other person can get an extra bit of shut eyes.

Diving into why we both are often awake and not taking shifts when she’s awake is because everything is a bit of an ordeal with she’s awake. Believe it or not, breastfeeding and feeding her in general has taken efforts from both of us. Let me explain...

Like most newborns, ours has lost a bit of weight since her birth which is completely normal but the reasons for it were a bit troubling. With a tongue tie, she has been really struggling to eat efficiently from my breasts. We weren’t sure how to proceed so we invited a lactation consultant into our lives to help. One decision after another, we decided then to have a procedure done to remove the tongue tie, also known as a tongue tie release. In this consultation, we also learned she had an upper and lower lip tie which made feeding difficult. All in all, she has been losing weight despite being supplemented with formula because she’s likely expending more calories eating than actually what she’s taking in.

It has taken two of us to feed this baby because she also has a small tube she drinks from like a straw that we insert to the side of her mouth when she breastfeeds so she doesn’t have t exhaust herself more. We’re talking efficiency here! Our baby will drink my breast milk I’ve pumped or formula through the tube. Though it’s not entirely impossible for me to breastfeed and tube feed her on my own, it’s honestly too overwhelming to take that on myself 10 days into living and caring for a newborn.

After the breastfeeding is all done, I still have to pump out any remaining breast milk and with the current pump I have, I sit idly in one position for 20 minutes. This is not ideal with a newborn, so we did purchase I new hands-free and cord-free pump. Again, my partner comes into the picture here where he’ll either entertain her or put her to sleep.

Then there is washing the bottles, tubes, pump parts etc. afterwards.

Eating, sleeping, showering, and general TLC for the new parents you ask?!

They. Are. Priorities!

I am not going to sell you on a story about how two adults didn’t manage to take care of themselves while taking care of a newborn. Yes, the newborn takes precedence. But like my midwife says, a well taken care of child comes from a well taken care of parent(s). We still make it a priority to eat well, shower daily, brush our teeth and wash our faces. As a result, sleep does suffer but we make it a goal to sleep once all those “other” things are taken care of first.

Every new parent will have their own priorities but these are some of ours. Because without these things, I cannot stay grounded and present in the moment. I end up exhausted and feeling like a shell of myself and that’s when the storm comes to shake things up in our lives. I do not have the postpartum blues or depression (yet?) but what I will say is that the intermissions in our Shakespearean play have been filled with tears. Raging hormones are normal and just let yourself feel it. Validate these feelings. Don’t push them aside. Also mom guilt is completely irrational but so very, very real.

Alright, baby is now awake so I will end here. More to come later…

EDIT: I had planned this all for yesterday but of course, life snowballed once a newborn woke up....

xoxo, Joanne

P.S. if you have an insurance plan, ADD YOUR BABY TO IT ASAP postpartum. We didn’t do this because we completely forgot, so the tongue tie release was a procedure entirely out of pocket. It takes 5 business days to process our baby’s application, plus there needs to be an estimate for the procedure, then the insurance company determines how much money you’ll be reimbursed… sigh.