Planning for Pregnancy: Bipolar edition

We had originally planned to get pregnant in 2018. Like always, life threw a wrench into our plans and I spun down a manic-depressive spiral the more I learned about how long it would take to plan to get pregnant and the possible consequences of it. Whether you live with a mental health challenge or not, I want to prevent this very experience from happening to you! Today I present you with the full disclosure and lessons my partner and I have learned along the way planning for our pregnancy, and then getting pregnant!

A little back story: When I was 23 years olds, I did not want kids.

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and was freshly learning about all its life consequences. In the absolute and most dramatic form, it felt like a life sentence in mental health jail. It was a shitty life and one I didn’t want to genetically pass onto my future kids because after all, there is a likely chance my kids would grow up with a similar diagnosis (if not exactly the same).

As we grew together as a couple and over time with my bipolar disorder too, I turned my head towards pregnancy more and more.

My partner made a really good point; How many adventures will we have for the next 40 plus years together without anyone else to share it with other than our friends and family? We wouldn’t have small children to create memories (and messes) with along the journey. I was still stuck on the point about passing my mental health challenges to our future children though. So I researched. And researched. And researched more on other people’s lived experiences. I posted on forums and read other blogs for feedback!

What I learned? It’s not all that bad after all and we all deal with bumps along the road - this would just be a different one. As awareness with mental health grows, so will books and resources for kids and families alike.

As for my own mental health, I finally felt solid with my partner in how we were coping with my bipolar disorder and all the support we had in place. We had a stable routine, career, team of medical professionals, and medication regimen.

Then I was admitted to the hospital. Again. And suicide related. Again.

Story of my life much? Mania mania mania, depression, more mania, then rock bottom. Amongst the mania and depression, I quit my job and decided I wanted to move out of our apartment. I’m pretty damn convincing when I’m in hypomania mode, so my partner went along with it.

Flash forward to a whirlwind of events (perhaps a story for another day), and we are at the end of 2019 going into 2020. We had seen the perinatal psychiatrist again and finally committed to the whole pregnancy process! This is what it looked like and what I think YOU AND YOUR PARTNER should go through before actually dedicating all your time and energy to planning a pregnancy. Be prepared... the whole medication weaning process took about 4-6 months.

Step 1: See a perinatal psychiatrist

Perinatal... antenatal... pre-pregnancy psychiatry... that’s what it is called. My psychiatrist connected us with one and she was great at being realistic with us. We had to review my history and medical profile, as well as the risks associated with hormonal changes and how that in itself could spin me into mania, depression, and suicide. All in all, it was less scary because I didn’t tend to have more symptoms of mania or depression with my period cycle before pregnancy. Therefore, the likelihood of it happening during pregnancy was slim. It was still risky because I had been on birth control for over a decade so we couldn’t be sure of the outcome.

Step 2: Communicate your values, worries, and fears with your partner

Over a series of lunches and dinners pre-pandemic, we had discussed what our core parenting values, worries, and fears were. This can be very personal and touchy so don’t feel pressured to divulge and problem solve them all in one sitting!

Step 3: The very real reality of financial planning

We had talked about having kids before but if my partner didn’t have a steady job (he was a freelance videographer), then I was on some sort of sick leave and away from work. In 2018, we were both finally in a secure place. Life always sorts out it’s kinks for you whether you know it or not yet! We were really just settling into our careers at that point and by the end of 2019, we were more established and ready to tackle the financial responsibility of having a child. We all hear that kids are expensive but we had to realistically think about the upfront costs and what childcare in our neighbourhood would look like. To put it into perspective, we have very gratefully received many hand-me-downs and probably only 25% of our purchases were new. Yet we have so far effectively spent about $3500 CAD on the baby and that covers our essentials.

Step 4: Laying down the foundation - what are your strategies and resources?

Pregnancy is no joke. Pregnancy and mental health is an even greater potential for disaster if you’re not prepared. As a true Type-A-Taurus personality, I really do believe that the key to success is preparedness! Talk about it and write it down. Think about what you’ve got in place already such as your medication regimen, sleep routine, eating practices, coping strategies, and both formal and informal support systems. You can always build on it as you go but it’s good to know what is there and what can be added. For example, I had to play around with my medications again (big sigh here…) and have that sorted out, ensure I was seeing my psychotherapist and psychiatrist every two weeks so I was properly monitored for the first little while, and be very strict about my sleep routine. All these things chalked up to a successful process towards pregnancy.

Step 5: HAVE FUN!

Whether you go down the route of letting loose and staying relaxed, becoming regimented with ovulation tests to track your cycle, or if you’re somewhere in between with using an ovulation cycle tracking app on your phone… try your best to have fun with it. Try different routines, positions, and toys! I mean, when else are you really, really, going to do it this often again?!

If ya didn’t know… now ya do!

xoxo,

Joanne